Excessively Formal and not at all satirical Introduction

Mandatory Link

Having decided upon reflection that the prior version of this document was unsuitable for publication, I have decided to simply erase it and start anew.


Sadly, there being little of worth to talk about, as those thoughts or actions of worth to talk about would land me in jail, this introduction will necessarily be bland and tasteless. That said, I will nonetheless strive to at least meet the basic requirements of a "post," which will credit me for one of the 5 minimum necessary. Shame I forgot about the requirements, having thought them unimportant at the time, something about book reports, or something.


As one might have noted by now, I have a propensity to be rather sesquipedalian while typing. Fortunately, I do, in fact, know what those words mean, so when I use "big words," I don't feel idiotic when I read what I typed afterwards. Implication through omission.


So yeah, Edmond Dantes, he's a swell dude, buys islands and not afraids of anything. Also the titular Count of Monte Cristo, possessing a fortune roughly the twice the size of continent he resides in, and is also a vampire. Long story short, he was framed and imprisoned, got a decent university level education at said prison, and tripped over a rock after he escaped, thus discovering a fortune which enabled him to travel the world and then completely screw over his enemies, who have all conveniently gathered at Paris. Can anyone say plot convenience? And ... that's it, really, the whole 1000 page volume exists simply to tell that story which I managed to summerize in two sentences. The thousand or so pages not used to tell that succinctly stated tale are all simply filler, admittedtly filler of the highest quality, one rarely even notices that one isn't even reading about anything remotely related to the plot in any way.